I’m a 40-year old woman – of course no one told me life was gonna be this way.
*CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*
Hormones are complicated (duh)
By “this way”, I mean that no one really tells you as a woman that on top of only earning around 82 cents for every dollar white men earn – 58 cents if you’re Hispanic and 63 cents if you’re Black – and the societal pressure to stay thin, manage a household, have babies, and never age, you’re also expected to hide that your hormones are shifting in ways that you mostly can’t control and that impact every aspect of your wellbeing (because how dare you have needs when you should be making others feel better).
Last week has been one of those weeks where between ADHD, endometriosis, and potential PMDD, I was feeling many feelings. My pants felt tight. My brain was vibrating inside my skull, even with my ADHD meds. My skin was and still is blotchy and uneven. I felt anxious and edgy.
No, I’m not perimenopausal. But it was all enough to make me feel guilty for “not functioning properly.”
This is your brain on estrogen
Science has only recently woken up to the fact that hormone shifts have neurological implications – not just physical ones. In the last few months, both the New York Times and the Guardian featured articles on how menopause impacts and changes the brain. Estrogen is key for women’s brains to defend against aging and damage and affects neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine that impact memory, focus, and mood – and thus can play a role in things like ADHD. All of this matters, since changing levels of estrogen throughout our lives can impact us in ways we may not even realize, even if perimenopause and menopause seem far away.
It means we’re not crazy when we feel or don’t feel certain things. We’re not failures for not always functioning at the level others think we should. We aren’t bad partners/friends/mothers, etc.
It’s so easy for people, including some medical professionals, to dismiss women as just being “hormonal” without knowing or caring about how much effort it can take to keep calm and carry on while our brains ride a rollercoaster that medical research still has yet to delve into because iT’s CoMpLiCaTeD.
If men experienced such a dramatic reprogramming of their brains, I doubt we’d be attaching the same level of shame and telling them to buck up and get over it.
It’s ok to not feel ok
Counter to Blogging 101, I don’t have a cute “here’s 3 ways I handle my feelings” list for you. I just wanted to check-in, share, and make sure you knew that you’re not alone in how you may also be feeling.
It’s a great sign that more research is finally being done on how hormones impact women’s brains and that the conversation is expanding. But, it also starts with us being informed, advocating for ourselves, and not shying away from talking about these things in whatever phase of life we’re in.
