The algorithms are onto me. I turned 39 three weeks ago, but I’ve been assaulted with more suggested Google news articles and ads about skin “tweakments” and how to dress my age than ever before.
And yes, I know how security settings and cookies work, so it isn’t me.
Sure, I’m seeing a few more wrinkles, my eyelashes have definitely gotten thinner, and my gynecologist has reminded me on more than one occasion that I have “a good amount of eggs” for my age. But does this really warrant all the articles about dermaplaning and Botox and how I should stop wearing denim shorts?
Aging “well”
Anyways, this means I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on what it means to age well. Aging well is essentially an umbrella term for advice on how we take care of both our bodies and brains as we age. Which is of course a good thing, right?
Except not all of it is practical medical advice, like adjusting your exercise or making sure you’re up to date with health check-ups. A lot of views on aging well – especially for women – are deeply rooted in society’s obsession with youth. This leads to physical appearance being the sole indicator of whether someone is taking care of themselves. It’s why we end up pointing to Nicole Kidman and Halle Berry having visible abs in their 50s as a hallmark of what it means to nail the whole “getting older” thing.
Which is bonkers, when you think about it.
And lest we think we’re immune to this, I want you to think of someone who you would say has aged well. Better yet, think of someone who you’d say hasn’t aged well. How much of your assessment is based on how they look? (And be honest).
Not just skin deep
Using physical appearance as the only benchmark for aging well is problematic for three reasons:
1. It completely disregards the holistic nature of health.
I can’t believe it still needs to be said in 2022, but just because someone is thinner and has a wrinkle-free face doesn’t mean they’re healthier than someone with wrinkles and in a larger body.
2. It perpetuates impossible beauty standards
By equating youth with beauty, the anti-aging industry has helped skew “aging well” to mean “avoid looking old at all costs.” It’s not enough to look good for your age. It must now somehow be unbelievable to be your age, which is completely out of reach for anyone without resources, access, and time.
3. It reinforces a narrow view of what is “acceptable” for aging
Aging is biological reality, and there is no set script for the “right” way to do it. Yet, women of a certain age who stay lean, dye their hair, and fill in the lines in their faces tend to be praised, whereas those who age naturally or dare to gain any amount of weight are labelled as letting themselves go.
Aging well enough
My view when it comes to what people choose to do about the aging process has always been “you do you.” Personally, I’ve realized that being in recovery from an eating disorder in a world obsessed with weight and looks is already exhausting. I don’t need any more pressure as I age.
I know it seems disingenuous to set intentions now for how I’d like to age, because in reality, we get very little say in how that happens. You might also be rolling your eyes at a 39-year old writing about aging at all. But this is exactly the time to be thinking about it. Decisions and habits I start or sustain now can impact what life is like the older the get.
So for me, aging well is not about visible abs in my 50s. It’s about aging well enough to enjoy the kind of life I choose to live. It’s not only staying as active as possible (you know I’ll be weightlifting until the day I can’t anymore) but also unburdening myself of the “shoulds” society has handed me throughout my life. It’s investing in my relationships and not taking any of them for granted. It’s traveling to new places and always learning. It’s taking each year as it comes and evaluating what I will or won’t be changing or compromising on.
And it’s doing all these things while eating and wearing whatever the heck I want.
What does aging well mean to you?
