Lately, I’ve been inspired by articles like this one asking people how they’ve changed their views of what counts as a luxury since the pandemic. Things like traveling, face-to-face meetings with friends, and discovering hidden neighborhood gems.
July 24 was International Self-Care Day, so my plan was to similarly reflect on pre- verses post-COVID self-care. Then on July 25, I tested positive for COVID (after two and a half years, I’d had a good run).
Suddenly, I had a lot more time to consider not just what self-care really is, but what it’s become for me.
Not just bubble baths
The stereotype of self-care is that it’s all “treating yourself” with things like bubble baths, face masks, and mani/pedis. That’s probably why the message I got about self-care growing up in the church was that – much like self-love – it was frivolous. It takes time and money away from more important things, and causes people to focus too much on “Earthly pleasures.”
On top of that, there’s an unspoken societal rule that, as a woman, you must put everyone else’s wellbeing above your own. So anything that whiffs of investing in yourself can get you labelled as a selfish partner, mother, friend, etc.
All of this leads to self-care being seen as a kind of vain, selfish exercise. But really, self-care is one of the most important ways we show up for ourselves as human beings.
What is self-care really?
Self-care is the practice of taking an active role in protecting your well-being and happiness. It’s checking in with ourselves every day and asking, “What do I need to get through the day?” and giving yourself permission to prioritize those needs.
Ultimately, self-care is about self-compassion, and reminding ourselves that we deserve care of all kinds in the first place. In the words of writer Audre Lorde: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.” This makes it essential, and bigger than just taking a hot bath.
It also means self-care is for everyone. Even you.
Other forms of self-care
Don’t get me wrong: my first manicure and facial after recovering from COVID really helped me feel like myself again. But that’s not the only way to experience self-care.
Here are some other things that fall under the self-care umbrella for me.
Therapy
I started therapy last August because it seemed like a good thing to check off the “how to adult” list. However, it’s one of the most meaningful ways I invest in my well-being. And viewing it this way lets me be more present in the process.
Therapy introduced me to tools like CBT journaling and has given me new insights about myself via my ADHD diagnosis. It’s also finally provided me a safe space to recover from my eating disorder. And if that isn’t self-care, I don’t know what is.
Hobbies (not side-hustles)
I launched this blog last year as a way to channel some energy away from work and prevent burnout. And earlier this summer, I signed up for the Girls Gone Strong Women’s Coaching Specialist certification.
Both of these things give me avenues for pursuing interests and passions that have nothing to do with my job. I do them purely for enjoyment and expanding my own learning. Would it be cool if one day this blog took off and I could coach women full-time? Absolutely! But sometimes, it’s ok to do something simply because it makes you happy.
My workout routine
It took me a long time to see working out as self-care, because I didn’t want to fall into the trap of equating fitness with taking care of yourself. That implies that people who don’t work out for whatever reason aren’t taking care of themselves, which isn’t fair or even necessarily accurate.
I started considering my workouts as self-care when I noticed how they encouraged me to take care of myself in other areas. For instance, I currently lift heavy weights three days a week, so I need to make good choices for myself outside of the gym – like eating well (and enough) and getting enough sleep – in order to keep lifting at the level I want to.
Working out also builds my mental resilience. Society is obsessed with women being the smallest versions of themselves possible. So every time I lift weights, it reminds me that I deserve to take up space – physically, emotionally, and socially. I’m allowed to have muscle, express myself, disagree, set healthy boundaries, etc.
Speaking of setting boundaries…
Self-care is often more about what we step away from and say no to than what we say yes to.
One important boundary I set for myself last year was uninstalling the Microsoft Teams app from my phone (and if my husband reads this, thank you for watching over my shoulder to make sure I did this). This means when I leave my laptop for the day, I don’t see work messages until I log in the next morning. It’s been a game changer for truly disconnecting from work, which can be hard when working remotely.
Setting boundaries as self-care can also look like:
- Curating your social feeds to ensure that accounts you follow add value to your life, not make you feel like s**t.
- Getting out of a toxic workplace (I don’t think it’s a stretch to call the ongoing Great Resignation a widespread self-care movement).
- Politely asking to change the subject when a friend starts discussing their super restrictive diet over lunch.
- Turning down a family function when you know your Aunt Who Mentions Everything is going to ask triggering questions about how much you’re eating, why you’re not married, why you don’t have children, etc.
Other people may not understand your need to set certain boundaries, and that’s ok. It’s also ok if setting boundaries for your own self-care takes practice at first.
But more importantly, remember that communicating your needs and prioritizing your well-being enough to not put yourself in a situation that you know will be harmful for you doesn’t make you “weak” or difficult. It’s actually one of the bravest things you can do.
How do you self-care?
Self-care isn’t selfish, stupid, or snowflake-y. It’s all the actions that we take to show up for ourselves first, so that we can show up for others in the ways we want or need to.
How have your views of self-care changed? What do you do for self-care, and how do those things help you show up for yourself?
