Emerging back into the world after being sick feels like I’m Thomas Jefferson in Act 2 of Hamilton: An American Musical: “So what’d I miss?”
We tested negative multiple times, so are fairly confident we caught a regular flu. But being so focused on COVID meant I almost forgot how much the regular flu also sucks.
I’m terrible at giving myself a break, even when I’m sick. I can be so focused on my routine and things I’m “supposed” to do. I’ll be the first one to encourage my friends to kind to themselves, but the last one to take that same advice.
Never enough
As the oldest of 5 kids, I made sure everyone around me was ok. As a Type A personality, I was obsessed with achievement and competition (mostly with myself). As a perfectionist, I developed an eating disorder in order to mask my ADHD and not let anyone down. I was a perfect storm of “nothing is good enough.”
Being immersed in hustle culture – which told me I’m only a good as the work that I do – cranked all that up to an 11.
And I fight with that hustle mentality every time I take a break or need to set a boundary or relax.
The hustle is real
“Rise and grind!”
“Big girlboss energy!”
“Go hard or go home!”
Hustle culture tells us if we aren’t putting 1,000% of our energy towards our goals, we’ll never achieve them. If we don’t push hard, work longer hours, or say yes to everything, then we must not want what we’re striving for badly enough. It’s especially noticeable in the workplace, but can also pop up in our hobbies outside of work (hello side hustle culture) and active spaces (hello toxic fitness culture).
It’s tricky, because “don’t give up, no matter what” is actually a really positive life lesson. We should all feel inspired to chase our dreams. But that inspiration can hide the dark side of hustle culture. That is, we’d rather run ourselves into the ground rather than admit we’re burned out for fear of being seen as weak or even (*gasp*) unmotivated.
For me, I hold myself to ridiculous standards that I know I can’t reach in order to always stay motivated. No matter how well I do something, I always feel like I could do it better. I’ve learned enough about myself at this point to know that this comes from a deep fear of rejection.
But wow, is this an exhausting way to live.
How I’ve started reclaiming my time
Hustle culture is so entrenched and pervasive that it can feel impossible to escape from. The social pressure feels too heavy. Personally, it’s going to be difficult to detox from it, since I’ve almost known nothing else. I know it’s going to be a process that I’ll have to work at every day.
Here are some ways I’ve started to do that.
Remember that rest is a normal human need, not a luxury you have to earn
I had my first reckoning about self-worth and work after losing my job in 2016. It forced me to live in the present and re-evaluate my relationship with work and rest. Last summer, I wrote about how it’s ok to skip a workout if what your body needs is rest, after having a panic attack the night before a regular gym day.
I am working to change my narrative around rest. Instead of being something that I have to earn, rest is something that I am not only allowed but also physically need. As much as I need food and water to survive, I also need rest in order to thrive. And given how much eating disorders thrive on restrictive rules, reframing rest as necessary to survival is also helping my recovery.
Fake it ’til you make it
I may objectively know that rest and taking breaks are healthy, but that doesn’t mean I feel it all the time. I know it’s going to take practice to unlearn and relearn a lot of things.
This is where flipping the phrase “fake it ’til you make it” on its head and applying it to believing you deserve rest and recovery can be helpful. Even when I’m not convinced, I still tell myself that I deserve to rest and that resting, whatever that looks like, does not make me a failure. The more I hear this, journal this, say this out loud – the more I tell myself a different story that can continue to shift my view of rest.
Take it one day at a time
My therapist challenged me to start checking in with myself each morning. I need to take a few breaths and see how I am feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally. Then, I develop a plan of what I need to get through the day.
So for example, if my body is still fatigued from being sick and I’m feeling anxious, then my plan becomes doing a home workout instead of hitting the gym and having leftovers for dinner to reduce the decisions I need to make.
Checking in this way helps me gets me back in touch with my needs, which the hustle mentality completely neglects. It also allows me to recognize that adjusting to those needs does not make me a failure.
Start to set boundaries, no matter how small
In addition to the mental work, I needed to take some tangible steps to start changing my immediate environment to help me unplug and rest.
One big step I took was uninstalling the Microsoft Teams from my phone. This may not sound like a big deal, but it was huge for me. Working with a globally-distributed team means there’s always someone online sending messages. Now, when I leave my laptop at the end of the day, I don’t see work chats.
I also now close the door to my office when I finish for the day. It’s my physical reminder that work is done and that it’s time to transition back to life outside of work.
What about you?
How have you experienced hustle culture? What are some ways you’re working on changing your own narrative around work, fulfillment, and happiness?
