This week, with my mom’s blessing, I got the word “discover” tattooed on my inner left wrist in memory of my grandfather. It’s my eighth tattoo, but is now the one that means the most. Here is the story behind it.
The last time I saw my grandfather was in November 2019. I was still living in Virginia, my apartment full of half-packed boxes for my move to Jordan. My sister had suggested we see my grandfather the day after I returned from a big work trip to Manila. I was desperately jet-lagged, so I napped as she drove us up to his place in southern Pennsylvania.
We told him that it was ok if he woke up that morning and didn’t feel well enough for a visit. But he wanted to see us, especially when he learned that my niece – who was three at the time – would also stop by.
I remember walking into his apartment and seeing him sitting in his chair. He smiled as big as he could manage. Cancer had taken many things away from him, but it couldn’t take that.
We chatted about the family and how he was feeling. I told him that Wouter and I were getting married and that I’d be moving to join him in Jordan. He told me how proud and happy he was.
And then he said something I’ll never forget: “I am excited for what you will discover together.”
Just then, my niece and sister-in-law joined us, and all our attention shifted. But on the drive home, and in the weeks that followed, I played that phrase over and over in my mind.
He passed away one week before Christmas. It was two weeks before Wouter and I got married, and three months before the world shut down with COVID. I’m so grateful that my sister and I had that chance to say goodbye, even if we never said the words. He knew we loved him and we knew he loved us.
During my first visit back to the US in October 2020, we scattered his ashes along the banks of the Susquehanna River while playing “Purple Rain” (he was a massive Prince fan). During our US visit this past spring, we returned to the Susquehanna to find his memorial bench. Now, this tattoo marks the final piece of a puzzle of mourning. It is a way for me to remember a man who I wish I had more time with but who gave me a beautiful gift with his final words to me.
Discovering things goes way deeper than traveling to new places or finding new lifeforms or being literal explorers. Relationships, for example, are all about discovery and discovering things together. Ask anyone who’s been married or in a long-term partnership for 50+ years for relationship advice. They’ll likely tell you one key is to never stop learning new things about the other person.
And if you think about it, our entire lives are about discovery. Life is a constant journey of exploring who we are and what is important to us.
So, rather than offer the usual congratulations, my grandfather actually encouraged me in the meaning of life itself. And it’s something I’ll carry with me forever.
May we never stop discovering and exploring. And may we all live to discover things together.
