“Someone needs to lay off the weights,” said the voice. “Looking a little manly.”
I glanced up from the apples I was inspecting to see a blond American woman about my age staring at me. I was about to beg her pardon, when she looked down and I followed her gaze. Her daughter, who was maybe 8 or 9, was looking up at me with wide eyes.
“You want to look like that?” the woman smirked at her.
I made a point to roll my eyes at her while I walked away, taking my apples with me. I didn’t realize how flustered the whole incident had made me until I felt my face flush with anger while waiting in the checkout line.
Girls are stepping back from exercise
Strangers commenting on my arms is unfortunately not a new thing, and I’ve usually been able to tune these kinds of people out.
However, the fact that it was a girl around my niece’s age watching her mom body shame a complete stranger made it harder for me to let the whole thing go.
What message did that little girl take away from that moment?
According to Women In Sport, over a million adolescent girls step back from physical activity after primary school (around 5th grade in the US school system). While there are many reasons for this – including gender stereotypes and society’s continued inability to maturely handle women’s puberty – feeling judged by others (68%) was the top reason.
That judgement can feel especially painful coming from people close to us, like a parent or other family member.
Whether she realized it or not, this woman sent her daughter a clear message.
Deeper than body shaming
What’s infuriating is that no matter what form it takes, discouraging women and girls from exercise and strength training is that it can be a matter of life and death.
Women lose muscle mass more quickly than men as we age, and you need muscle to help prevent falls (the top cause of death from injury in older adults). Also, women who strength train experience a greater reduction in their risk for cardiovascular-related deaths than men (30%, compared to 11% for men).
In general, women can actually experience greater health benefits from regular exercise than men – something that they miss out on when stereotypes, ignorance, and diet culture discourage them from movement as children and teens.
Sending a better message
I spent way too much time in my 20s slouching my shoulders in an effort to hide them from people who refuse to grow up and keep their comments to themselves.
Now, I want young girls to see me and know that having muscles isn’t a bad thing. It doesn’t make you “manly” or “bulky” or any of the other stupid things people say. Being strong can literally save your life.
And if you are one of those Almond Moms who find yourself wanting to tell a complete stranger your opinion of how she’s built in front of your daughter, maybe have a think about what you’re modeling to her.
Also, maybe eat more protein. 😉
